not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize