K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My liver just broke up with me...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
