Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
