I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
