Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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