What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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