Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
