The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
