battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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