just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
