so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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