Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
