i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
