I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
