"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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