the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize