Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
