It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
