I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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