So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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