I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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