tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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