bring money and cleavage
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
