foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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