my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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