Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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