dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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