Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
