"it" just moved
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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