I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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