dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
