Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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