she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I CAN MOONWALK!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
