I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am naked and annoyed.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
