did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
