I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
