I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
