The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
