i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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