Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
