We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
