Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
