ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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