where am i from again
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
