I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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