oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
BRING THE BAGELS
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
