I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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