And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
