Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So vagazzling was a success
I deserve this hangover.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
