I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
