Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
