mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
