I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
