oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
