I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
