Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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