i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
