Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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