please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
