So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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