my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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