This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize