my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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