Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
