In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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