So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize