i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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