He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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