Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
