I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
