Got a toothbrush?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
