I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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