I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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