That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
