At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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