She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
