Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
