I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i came on her dog
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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