It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
