hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
