Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
