I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
