i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
